The Surface

The Top – rise to the surface;

            gasp for a new breath.

The Hard – don’t go beyond the surface;

              it’s messy down there.

The Soft – feel the fuzzy surface;

              there is comfort there.

Take me, Lord.

There is no growth on the surface.

Growth comes from deep within.

Meet me there, Lord…

Actually, show me how to get there.

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We are 2 days shy of a year from when I wrote this little ditty.

I was in a tailspin of emotions that were taking me deep within myself.

And though I was learning that it was ok to go there, the armor which kept me from the deep and had protected me as I was growing up, was now suffocating me as an adult.

The problem was that I had made it a point in my life to not go down there because beyond the surface is where ALL the feelings reside.

What if I go down there and other people don’t like how I feel or don’t understand me when I am in the all the feelings?

My mind instantly detaches and says, “Who cares? You don’t need anyone anyways.”

Boom…hello self-preservation wall.

If I “need” people, I am not in control.

But if I “choose” people, then I can say how deep they are allowed.

Have you been here, at the crossroads of rushing feelings and the roadblock of self-defeating walls?

Take a deep breath in…and let it out…

I am sitting here, a year later, telling you that it has been worth the fight, the effort, the tears, the release, the transformation, to get to where I am now.

Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle with going deep, but I have learned to grab onto God’s hand and scale the walls much faster than ever before.

If you are stuck on the surface and are ready to learn how to dip down into your feelings, I’d be honored to walk beside you.

Send me a message and I will reach out to you.

<>< KC