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I am reading Brene Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection and in it, she talks about compassion and its word origin (those of you who are My Big Fat Greek Wedding fans just said “Give me any word and I show you how the root is Greek”!)
It’s derived from the Latin words pati and cum, meaning “to suffer with”. Brene points out that our default response to pain, our own or someone else’s, is to self-protect. We self-protect by blaming, judging or going into fix-it mode.
This statement brought me to a screeching halt. She just said that my fix-it mode was my self-protection from being compassionate. I read it again and again. Each time it still said the same thing – my fix-it mode is what keeps me from true compassion.
This took some self-reflection and praying over because I know I am not the squishy-compassionate type, but my fix-it capabilities are my go-to and what I considered to be my strong suit to being compassionate.
I am now looking at it as what keeps me from being compassionate – which means, if I can fix my fix-it mode, then I can allow myself to be more compassionate! (Do you see what I did there? I fixed it!)
This took me to the question – do I even know how to be compassionate with myself?
That one took me even deeper.
What does it even mean to show myself compassion?
I have become so good at building walls of protection around my self that I think I have blocked me out.
I deny it when I am sick. I ignore the fact that my shoulder feels like it’s going to fall off. I don’t ask for help when I am overwhelmed.
You might be asking yourself, why is she sharing this with us, this is like super personal and as a Coach, isn’t she supposed to have it all together?!
Believe me, I asked God the same thing!!!
His answer was, “Confession is part of the healing. Being vulnerable means not hiding what you are learning. Remember, in your weakness, I am strong.”
So there you have it, folks. How can you argue with that? You can’t, I can’t.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has called me to serve Him through helping others find their purpose in Him and I am willing to take to heart what I need to personally work through and heal so that I am better equipped to be compassionate for all that you are going through.
Give me some insight on how the sentence “We self-protect by blaming, judging or going into fix-it mode” affected you.