I Love You That Much

When I think back as to why I decided to say yes to hike the JMT, my underlying desire was to have an out of the ordinary experience with God.

Let me tell you, He did not disappoint!

I can say with an open and vulnerable heart that I now know what it means to “walk with the Lord”. His presence was undeniable. I suppose this may be a “you gotta experience it to believe it” kind of thing, but I will share my experience, and you can take it for what it’s worth to you.

On Day 5 we had a big day. We hiked up and over Donahue Pass (11,073’) taking us out of the Yosemite Wilderness and down into the Ansel Adams Wilderness. As if that wasn’t enough, before the day was over, we had a second pass to hike up called Island Pass (10,221’).

I started off that day feeling refreshed and ready for Donahue Pass. It was an amazing climb with meandering creek crossings, beautiful wildflowers, chubby marmots and views of glaciers.

I was so glad that along the way people had told us to make sure we look back every now and then. Standing near the top of the pass and looking back over the creeks and valleys that we had climbed out of was a powerful reminder of how far we had come, filling me with a sense of accomplishment unlike anything I had felt before.

As we made our way down the other side of Donahue, I felt the effects of the altitude. My head was pounding; my stomach was upset and evidently, I was saying crazy things (I don’t remember that part!). By the time we got to the base, I was drained.

The two ladies that I did this adventure with are rock stars. Jessica has endurance at a pace that is quite impressive. And Laura has the heart of a champion who can stay strong and steady at her pace.

I fall in between the two.

Once we started climbing Island Pass, I couldn’t keep Jessica’s pace anymore. I knew Laura was a significant distance behind me, so I was headed up this pass alone.

Someone had told us that this pass was “only” 600’ in elevation gain. In my mind, this was the length of 2 football fields, no problem. Well, there was a problem. I equated elevation gain as total distance and that was significantly wrong.

This was one of the moments where I literally broke down in front of God. I was beyond done mentally and physically.

I stood there and told Him that I just couldn’t to do this anymore, that it was too hard.

And then I pictured Jesus. He had been beaten to almost death and carried the cross up to Golgotha. Though I was in pain, I knew it was absolutely nothing compared to what He went through.

I cried and cried and asked how in the world He kept going? How did He not get to the point where He decided we weren’t worth it?

The words I heard back were, “Because I love you that much and I don’t want you to miss the good stuff.”

Do you know how hard it is to hike while sobbing?

It was not by my strength that I made it to the top of Island Pass, I had nothing left. I walked side by side with Jesus while He lifted my foot so I could take another step – because He loves me that much and there was so much good stuff to come.

<>< KC